Calling for help.

So I'm at Wal Fart preparing for the snowstorm (which thanks to me being prepared will now be a tepid, light rain) and I get all my shit and nonsense that I deemed necessary. Grapes and fucking waffles. And I make my way around the empty store (cause, damn I was there at 8:57 am, son). And get on the fucking line. Of course I have about 30 things, so I can't get on the express. And they have 450 registers butt only one open. So I get on a line seven deep and everyone else has their fucking nonsense and grapes and waffles and the checker? OMG so slow. Beep, bag slow pause. beep...........bag. Tie the bag in a fucking knot.. (why? who cares) beep.....chatty chat.....bag.

And I am dying in my head. Wishing I wasn't so damn paranoid of the snow. I used to be a New Yorker for fuck's sake! I drove in everything. And standing there for 15 minutes and NO ONE is moving. Grrrrrowwwwlll. Then I had an evil idea. I pulled out my cell phone and used my browser to look for the store I was in's phone number. Then I dialed the fucking number.

And then I spoke to customer service and said in a polite voice, "Can you please look at your registers? I'm the seventh person in line and my frozen stuff is melting. Can you send either another checker or a mop to clean up my ice cream? Thanks."

They sent a checker! I felt like I was calling 911 from the back of a cop car.


  1. I fucking love you for doing this. That is awesome!! ~ Barb

  2. I thought post-Gynazole that I could safely consume drinks while reading something with your name attached. Sigh. At least I have on dark colors today. Freaking hilarious. I heart you.

  3. OMFG!! You are tooooooo brilliant! I bow to you.

  4. you fucking rock, pet! there are times I would love to do that in a frickin' Tar-ghey... hmmm... maybe I should program the store's number in my phone for next time... but then that would mean looking up said number... looking for my phone... which would take me away from my computer... and since I'm already hunkering down for Snowpocalypse 3.0 of 2011 here in Philly I'll make a note to do that later... now where did I put my pen?



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