Car Wash

 Before a family trip, I like to clean my van. Preferably, it will be int he comfort of my own driveway. Sometimes I have to resort to the local car cleaning joint to get my needs met on a deadline. This post is about one of my least favorite times:

Due to the layout of the car wash, I had a nice big audience of gentlemen that work in the professional detailing business. They were working in the center and my progress would be in an semicircle around them.


Lucky me.


I pull up to the automatic wash and pay the reverse ATM. Belatedly, I remember to pull off my antenna Mickey ears and Walt Disney World magnet, so I jump out while the machine is screaming "Pull up to the car wash," over and over. I run back around the van and hop in, pull in and yup, you guessed it, I forgot to put my window up from paying. The super powerful faceful of water reminded me to press the up button. Power windows are realllllly slow. My audience of men were when they saw how wet I was. But water and humiliation can't keep me down, so I drove over to the vacuum. I get out, shake off, pull out the mats, wave to my fans, and take my only cash --one dollar-- over to the change maker. Four quarters and a big hairy spider plop out into the silver cup. So now I have to get the quarters away from the spider, who would like to keep them for himself. I hate spiders. I hate greedy spiders even more. So I am screaming, jumping and getting my freaking quarters. Now the boys are just watching the show Whatever, I got my money, plugged the quarters into the vacuum and start vacuuming 6 weeks of crap and crumbs out of my giant van. I'm very competitive. I want to win. I want to beat the vacuum at its own game. I'll make every spidery quarter worth it. So I'm running around inside the van, vacuuming my butt off. Just at the very end, I jump out to do the mats and in my frenzy, and an ill chosen low cut t-shirt, my boob pops out. To all the boys working in the car wash, you are welcome

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