How my mom functions.

You know, some days are more interesting than others. Last night, my husband took the kids outside to play. I was commencing the rigmarole that it takes to get my family ready for a weekday. Lunches, ironing, folders signed.

Lots of stuff.

My telephone rings. I glance at the caller id. The number calling me has an area code of “000." Now this perks my interest. Because as far as I know the “000” area code does not exist. But here it is, calling me. Maybe the call is originating in the Bermuda triangle. Maybe they installed a phone in Area 51 next to the black mailbox.

My curiosity gets the best of me.

Me (somewhat timidly) ~ "Hello?”

Expecting the high pitched squeal of an alien, or the deep timbre of a pirate swirling in the lost waters in Bermuda.

I get:

My mother ~ ”Hello!” She says it in a real chipper, nothing is wrong kind of voice.

Me ~ "Mom?! Where are you calling me from?!”

My mother ~ "My computer!”

Her voice resonates with an electronic echo. I'm perplexed.

Me ~ "How in God’s name did you manage that?”

My mother giggles ~ "I don’t know!”

Our conversation is interrupted by the beep of call waiting on my phone. I tell my mother to hold on. I'm picturing her all Max Headroom stuck in her laptop.

I glance at my phone’s display. Showing, like nothing could ever be more normal, is my mother’s home phone number.

I'm not sure what to do. So I answer it.

Me ~ "Hello?!”

My mother ~ “Hello!” 

She's all happy.

Me ~ "Mom?”

My mother ~ "It’s me!”

Me ~ "Holy Matrimony. How are you doing this?”
My mother ~ "I'm not sure.”

The best part is she does not care. She's not the least bit interested how she has somehow bridged the time space continuum and called me from two places at once, one of the "places" not actually a phone to start with.

She wants to talk to the grandkids and is frustrated that I'm having trouble comprehending the impossibilities I've been presented with. In her mind, she's on the phone and I'm wasting grandchild time with my slack jawed amazement.

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