I held my book.

And it shouldn't matter. I've seen the pdf of Crushed Seraphim. I've read the words in that story a boopazillion times. So it really shouldn't matter. The cover was no surprise. 

 I had a full day on Friday, some of the following Monday's work was clogging up on me so I stayed a little late to get a head start. It was a beautiful day outside. I forgot to plan dinner, so as I drove home that was on my mind. After getting home, taking off my bra (hate you bra) and saying hello to the husband and kids there was a package.

 A book shaped package. 

 And yeah, it had my publisher's return address on it.

It's kind of funny because I had been getting reports from friends who got their copies, pictures even. It just made me want it more.

So then I opened the package, hubby snapping pictures and what spilled out was exactly what I expected. But also, it was so much more. Endless edits fell out, plopped on my lap. Hours fell out, spent in the very latest part of the night with my Mac. 

 Most importantly, a story fell out. I wrote that story. 

 Maybe I'm lucky we aren't completely digital in this world with our books because yeah, it so mattered. I'm afraid to crack the spine even though I'm usually a hard customer for a book. I snuggle with them, rip off dust jackets, toss them from the bed when I'm tired. But this book has been treated like royalty (so far). I've slipped it in my purse to go for a ride with me. Carried it into a restaurant and left it casually on the table. Because I could.

And I hug it from time to time. I know where it is, right behind me on the kitchen table. It was being the model for the bookmarks I'm making for the signed copies and bookplates. So I guess I'm playing dress up with my book now? 

 It shouldn't matter but oh my gosh, it really has been big blobs of fun. I have yet to sign one. I'll have to work up the guts to do that. I made my hubby and kids take pictures with the book. I don't even know what I'm getting at with this post. 

Maybe just telling you that holding my dream in my hand? It shouldn't matter, but it felt like wings and hope and I'm damn proud. 


  1. Hehehehe <333 I'm so excited for you!

  2. Words can not express the emotions I hold for you. The joy and excitement are so much that they fill heaven and hell and what they create would be something liken to an offspring of Emma and Jack...oh the possibilities!

  3. @Mandy, you are the sweetest!

    @K You are so wonderful and put tears in my eyes. Thank you so much!

  4. You should be proud. Not a lot of us, and certainly not I, can say we've held our own book in our hand. And I love that you took pictures to remember it by, not that you'll ever forget, but it's something for your kids' kids to look at, right? I can't wait to read it. I never got to read the original, but I'm dying to read the book. It sounds like an amazing story, and I'm so happy for you, though I don't know you, that your dream came true. Gives the rest of us hope!

  5. Debbie (awesome name by the way) are you a writer? I love hope, it is food for dreams. Thanks for you adorable comment.



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