So we arrived at my parents’ house. They live in a very fun cruise-like retirement community. They are professional retirees. Apparently they're training for the retired Olympics. You can’t even fathom their rigorous daily routine. It is hilarious. Between working out, swimming, dances, mowing the lawn, and every other freaking thing…it’s hard to get them on the phone.
Here’s a tip about retired people, at least the ones I saw. Don’t mess with them. I wouldn’t. They are all leathery and ripped. They come out of the work out room and look like they could crack walnuts with their thighs. The biceps and abs on these older people are off the chain.
Why, you ask?
I have no idea. I guess we would all be tight and chiseled if the gym was a golf cart ride away.
They are fit, well-read, and ready to party and they are behind well guarded gates. They are sort of like prisoners, but in a good way. In the best way possible. Am I calling your grandma a prisoner? Sort of. Butt it’s a compliment.
We had so much fun. The kids had so much fun. Actually my girl and my boy both changed their career plans. When they grow up they want to be retired. I think they are geniuses . So the pool, the shuffleboard, the tennis, all of it is like a kids’ wonderland. We had one week before we left for Disney.
In that week a few things happened. My father became addicted to Farkle, my kids never really took off their swimsuits, and I became infatuated with the hot tub. Have you never played Farkle before? It’s a game with six dice, sort of reminds me of poker. Very fun!
The kids had two swimsuits each and one was wet and the other was about to be.
But most importantly, I fell in love with those hot, bubbling pools of chemicals and germs. I could not stop putting my jiggler in them. I would float on the noodle for a while. Chase the kids around, then I would go for a soak. And in Florida in July? Your tub is already hot, but I wanted it inhumanely hot. And I got it. Remember those healthy retired beefcakes? They can boil their business extreme style. You would actually sweat in the water. I didn’t even think bodies could do that! Mine did. The jets were powerful massages, and I was all over it.
Here is what I know about hot tubs: They are super sized Petri dishes.
Whatever you are hiding from the neck down is going to get cooked and shared.
That’s a pretty scary thought. It’s funny that after using the restroom I wash my hands like a surgeon, then use the paper towel to open the dirty door, holding it open with my foot while I toss the towel in the trash.
But I will roast my heiney next to perfect strangers while we all wear wet spandex. Luckily I’m not a thinker nor am I consistent. The heat would feel so good on my under-used muscles. Then the rush of getting back into the 89 degree pool? Well, it was down right chilly.
I’m not even going to talk about the benefit of all those bubbles. Let’s just say either there are a lot of wildlife farting like men near the hot tubs or everyone is way too relaxed in those things.
So retirement was grand. Glorious.
But you know what’s coming. I know what’s coming. DISNEY. So I had some work to do. My girl fondly remembered the shirts we had made on our giant trip-o-rama with my in laws and my parents. I painted the shirts and we spent the whole two (separate, after laundry) days we wore them hearing comments on our fun shirts.
My girl wanted that back, but we only had four family members this year. So I had to contemplate the design. Then I had one evening to knock them out. Four shirts. I knew the backs would say “Let the magic begin…” and I wanted to have Mickey and Minnie heads, but something was missing. My girl really loves Phineas and Ferb. (oh my gosh, who doesn’t?) so she drew a Perry the Platypus on her shirt. Then I knew.
I drew the Perry the Secret agent on hubby’s shirt and then on me and my boy’s shirt I asked, “Where’s Perry?” Which for anyone not familiar with the show, the kids ask every episode.
They dried and we were thrilled. ( I will try to get hubby to post a few pics of the shirts) That show is such a favorite, so many people knew what the shirts meant, it was much fun! So with the shirts dry and the bags packed, we left the compound of thrills to head to the motherland.
Up Next.. “We are here!”