Disney Trip part #2

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Interviews, food poisoning, my cockroach friend and riding the Maddahorn in Disney world (didn’t think there was a Maddahorn in Disney world?? There is!!)

So we check into our Hotel at 10:00 am. I selflessly let Mr. A shower and nap first. He was “the driver” after all. Punching and flicking for hours at a time doesn’t exert any energy at all. I feel refreshed, like a day at the spa. I take the kids to the pool (actual kids, actual pool ~ more about my bowels later if you are disappointed about that)


The pool is outdoor, but heated. When we checked the temperature on our way to our room, it seemed like the giant pool was about 101 degrees. I figured my fancy big toe sensor was off a little due to exhaustion (not that I minded skipping a nap, as soon as I borrowed the concierge’s stapler and created that “just back from the plastic surgeon I am sooo awake look” I was great. Dandy. Dandilito. Loving it. But that crazy hotel was apparently very happy to lay out $400,000 a day to soak The Jiggler (my butt). It was spa temperature. I thought about an old Oprah show where Dr. Oz said boiling your privates in a hot tub was more dangerous than baring all in Georgia . Hmm. I think he said you get STD’s, pregnant, and a pet monkey . Would that advice translate to a large pool? I am sure I don’t care. In we go. It was heaven (sorry Dr. Oz). We soaked, splashed and laughed in the cess pool of germs. After about 6 hours (Mr. A claimed it was 10 minutes) we sloshed up to the room. The kids, our new pet monkeys, and I immediately shower up. I'm pretty sure that hotel soap kills all STD’s. I'm more than a little numb and fuzzy at this point. I'm pretty sure we got Oprah pregnant because we went into a pool thinking about Dr. Oz. Make note to see if they are registered in Target so I can send a baby gift . Tuck the kids into bed and collapse. Really hope they fall asleep…everything goes black. Thank Heavens for room darkening curtains.


Shazzam.


We wake up at 4:30pm. It is so bizarre to sleep that long in the middle of the day. It was like we added an extra day to the vacation. I don’t suggest this method though. To confuse our meager brains further we walk across to Cracker Bear (GirlChild used to call Cracker Barrel this so it has been renamed.They just haven’t gotten around to switching the signs) to eat breakfast for dinner. Yum. Love Cracker Bear.


You'll find out a lot about me in the upcoming trip report, but nothing is more embarrassing then what I am about to tell you.


I'm a four pegger . If you hearken back to my Janet Jackson style car wash, you'll remember that I'm a very competitive person. Cracker Bear has a device that has been designed to thwart me. The triangle with the golf tees. I leave four pegs. Sometimes I leave three pegs. Mr. A doesn't do much better. We have two kids egging us on..Big sweet, adoring eyes watching our repeated failures. There must be a trick. I wish I knew it. I wish my mother knew this trick and hoarded it from me for 30 plus years, oh wait…that wish comes true. More on that later. The Anastasias are full on breakfast. Time to go to bed.


Next up is my visit to my Grandfather’s house. My Grandfather is amazing . At 88 years old, he will have you laughing so hard you'll wet your pants and your cheeks will hurt for hours. Besides enjoying a visit with my Grandfather and his third wife (an amazing lady we love from the top of her beautiful head to her sweet toes!) I had an ulterior motive. I wanted interview him on camera. I wanted to ask about his life, parents and brothers. I wanted his laughter, smile, and humor on video. At Christmas time we put on a Holiday Show on Christmas Eve. The kids put on skits , we sing Christmas carols, and most importantly, interview all members attending the Holiday. I had to twist some arms to get this tradition started, but I'm so glad I did. We love to watch the show every year. I wanted to have my Grandpa and his wife in the show, so that was my excuse to get them on camera. I was rewarded with a video that gets tears rolling down my face. It's beautiful. My grandfather being himself saying he would give his left “lug nut” for a Manhattan, seeing my daughter sit in his lap and sing in her sweet voice to him. My son and grandfather talking shop about cars -- their matching passion. I'd drive 17 hours straight again today to see him. (well, make Mr. A drive while I co-pilot)


Next up we storm a brand new castle…Visiting my parents.


Little parent back story. They moved to Florida about 9 years ago. My mother is the queen of “hooking her kids up” with the good stuff. Whatever we dream, my parents have always worked their tails off to try to get it for us . So Disney came into their picture and ours. Both parents signed up to work at Disney, at one point working seven days a week between Universal and Disney. Character greeters, toll booth collectors, driving busses and boats . How do you thank you parents for this devotion? The Anastasias get addicted to The World and use every free ticket they get.


They have since changed their status to “seasonal” and made their schedule more manageable. They have also just moved to a new place. On Thursday. We're arriving on Sunday. Nothing says welcome to your new home like the tornado that is my family for a week long visit. We walk in to many hugs and laughs. And a house that looks like they have lived in it for four years. They had been working non -stop to set up the house for us. The house had been vacant for a while before they moved in. 300 plus days to be exact. In those 300 days some other things were setting up their home too. The Jiggler is might be doomed .


As we normally do, The King and I (haha) dump our kids and try and get some quality time. My romantic husband is going to take me on a date. Dinner and a movie. Awww. How wonderful. So he takes me to the mall food court for dinner . Weird Food court with few name brand stores. Walking past the Chinese food stall, we are tempted by the chicken on a toothpick.


“Yum,” says Mr. A.
“Yum,” says Mrs. A.


We order our dinner from the Illustrious Farting Dragon (or whatever it was called). Without the toothpick delivery system the gelatinous chicken was much less appealing. Mrs. A refrains from the chicken and Mr. A dives in like the man he is. We toast our plastic cups and get giddy about going “Home” the next day. You see the castle is mine; I just let others borrow it most of the time. We say see you later to The Puking Dragon. Little does The Jiggler know that by avoiding the chicken it has saved itself a horrible fate. Poor Mr. A. We go off to  where I eat my favorite dinner of popcorn, Rasinets and a wheelbarrow full of Coke. We have a great time and head to my parents. Tuck the happy kids in bed *whisper, "tomorrow we are going to Mickey’s house"* And snuggle into bed.


“Did you hear that?” Mrs A says to her love. “It sounded like a gurgle followed by a little scream."


Mr. A thinks it might be his tummy. Mrs. A goes to bed dreaming of Mickey head crocs and Character Connection in Epcot .


Here is Mr. A’s story, told by me in his deeper voice (except when he screams like a girl )


Well, I'd eaten the foolhardy chicken that my wise wife avoided. I don’t care if it was the consistency of jello and had more hard parts then a boneless chicken should ever have. I ate it. It was dinner. A nice romantic dinner for my hard-punching wife. She loves shopping. I took her to the mall. She loves the mall. Why is she complaining? Woman are so confusing. I think I'll go throw a wet towel on the bed, there now I feel better (insert girlie scream ).

After my stomach realized that eating at the Regurgitated Lizard was a bad choice , I had to be in and out of the bathroom a lot. My wife slept like an angel throughout . She never snores or drools. I had time between the stomach spasms to admire her beauty and grace . I'm a lucky man. Hour after hour, magazine after magazine, the chicken is still having it’s way with me. Mrs. A wakes up to tinkle. She spots a cockroach and I beat my chest and kill it for her. She smiles, wishes my stomach well, and takes the unbitten Jiggler off to bed. Is that birds I hear? Did she just fart pixie dust that smells like roses? She's amazing.



Oh no. The chicken is knocking to get out again . Mr A sits down. Ouch. Hmm I sat down wrong. So tired after all the awakness. Sit down, Ouch! (Large Girlie Scream ) Jump up, there's the culprit! Not the chicken trying to get in the way it came out... but a cockroach. He was biting my butt. He's now doing the backstroke. I flush him.  Now I have to resume my illness not knowing where this bug came from. Did he crawl out of the toilet? Will he bring his friends next time? Stomach and chicken still wrestling…Must sit down again. The stress, the anticipation. It is like an evil Fear Factor involving butts.


End of Mr. A’s story as told by Mrs. A (I'm sure that he will agree that is exactly how it happened )


We wake up in the morning and laugh at Mr. A’s misfortune because that is how we roll. My mother informs us that the bug is not a cockroach, but a “palmetto bug." Did you ever notice how Floridians rename common things to make them more spectacular? Like the good ol’ screened in porch, in Florida it magically becomes a Lanai. Well isn’t that fancy. “I just spotted a cute palmetto bug on the lanai." When I retire to Florida I'm renaming “The Jiggler." It will be known as “The General." I hope The General never gets bitten by a palmetto bug on the lanai.


Today's the day. Sure some holes are redder than others, but nothing stops The Anastasias. Not even all night rides on The Maddahorn. That's right, we call the toilet the Maddahorn when we're in Disney. It's our code word. We're very tricky. Mr. A had a fast pass to The Maddahorn, but we'll plunge forward with our one day visit.


Next up..Crowds, magic, and almond failure…



5 comments:

  1. Aghhh! The triangle with the golf tees! That damn thing always stumps me. Wow, your husband really knows how to woo you. *snickers* Love your travelogues!

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  2. Hehehe...Mr. A’s story as told by you only in a deeper voice (except when he screams like a girl) part cracked me up. Looking forward to the next Disney post. I'll be waiting on the lanai with the palmetto bug!

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  3. Awesome. I want to take a trip with you all. It sounds like so much fun. That 'palmetto' bug puts a whole new spin on "Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite." Lol.

    ~Jess

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  4. You absolutely crack me up, girl! I've been waiting and waiting for more of your Disney trip, and just as I'm trying (for once in my freaking life) to be good and turn the damned computer off at a reasonable hour, being I have to get up at the crack of dawn tomorrow, in pops your update in my inbox. Do I resist the urge to read it? Nope. Not a chance. Then I sat here and giggled my ass off. Especially enjoyed poor Mr. A's part (not his suffering, but his pov), and yes, I'm absolutely sure that is EXACTLY the way it happened, in his words and everything! At least I'll go to bed now happy! Can't wait for more. And don't let 'em fool ya. Those are freaking roaches, and I live in Florida, so I know!!

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  5. @Jennifer He's a wooer. haha
    @Make sure it doesn't bite you!
    @Jess please come with me, we would have a ball
    @Debbie Oh no! I'm sorry you missed some sleep but I'm glad its for laughter! More Disney to come. (Most likely on Thursdays!)

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