Tearing it Down

A million years ago the house was hit with a tree. Today all the paperwork, checks and nonsense had righted itself, culminating in the demolition of my house. This is what it looked like about an hour ago. After I eat lunch I'm going back to take more pictures. I didn't want this job, the documenting. It's important to make sure it is all going well so I've been popping in. I didn't want to see it come down. I knew it would make me cry,which is stupid at this point. We haven't lived there in 5 and 1/2 months. When I hear the word home, I still picture the house whole. I loved its charmingly spastic layout. I felt safe there. We have a bunch of holiday, chock full of memories there. I wrote Poughkeepsie and Crushed Seraphim in that smooshed kitchen. 

The people doing the demolition are recycling and donating tons of the interior stuff to Christmas in April (building and repairing homes for needy families) and other places. I wanted to do that, let the house be an organ donor, but I didn't have any ability or access to figure out how to make it happen. But because the demo company also happen to be local, we know them. 
The hard work and extra effort to give to charity is all their fault, but still it made me grateful. 

This is the beginning of something awesome, I know. Then came the reason I left the site. The crane driver shook his head at me. "You know that house was going to go up in flames next time you lit the woodstove, right?"


 No. I didn't know. When he peeled the chimney down, it was built incorrectly. The inside of the wall behind it was charred and warped from the heat. Apparently, when, not if, when the house caught of fire, it would have went right into the roof. When the tree hit we had a very limited time when we could get out the front door. The two others were sealed shut. It was a bitch to get out the front door with the kids, the animals and ourselves in the dark. The door.



In the fire scenario? Those little windows would have been our escape route. They crank open. I've never liked them. Trying to picture safely getting everyone out in the time it takes a fire to spread in a roof? I can't. My brain stops me from getting there. So another blessing. I don't know why on this earth I get lucky enough to have my husband, my gorgeous smart kids. I really don't. But there's not a thing I wouldn't do to keep them safe. So instead of crying from the loss, I'm crying because if the house wasn't being torn down we would have never known about the chimney. Today is a good day. as I stood there watching, I knew I wasn't alone either. My friends from the Internet were holding my hand, I swear it. all the kindness I received really gave me strength. I don't deserve you guys either. Today is a good day.







8.28.11
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2.7.12


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2.7.12




Take that spiders in the crawl space!





The couches are not mine 3.10.12

21 comments:

  1. Thinking of you and your family as you go through this. I hope your new home will be filled with just as many happy memories. *huge hugs*

    Becca

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  2. Thinking of you and your family. It amazes me every single time how out of something so bad as losing your house in a hurricane can come something so good, like donating the materials and finding out that your house wasn't safe even before Irene, and that you're lucky in a way that the hurricane did hit. I'm not making sense, I'm sure, but I hope you know what I mean.

    And I hope that your new home when it is ready for you guys will give you just as many happy memories and great family times as the old one.

    Best wishes to you and yours.

    TMOT

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  3. You're in my thoughts everyday, Deb. It's a mixed blessing, that is for certain! *big hugs* to you and your family - onward and upward! <3

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  4. this house has protected you, to the very very best of its abilities, until it could do no more. And then... Then, with hurricane winds beating it into submission, it still gave you enough time to get out and make sure your whole family made it out, kids, hubs, animals, you.
    I think it's a magic house. It is now donating itself to others who needs part of it.
    Now, how many houses do you know of, that can do all those things?
    To honor it, build a new one right smack bang on top of where the old one was. Sacred ground, bb. Sacred ground.
    Do not believe anyone who says it's just a house. We know better.
    love you.

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  5. @G.T. Thank you gorgeous! That is the plan!
    @sandra You make perfect sense to me. Thank you!
    @SR Thank you so much for the hugs, you rock.
    @Anna You made me tear up. What a wonderful way of putting it. And yeah, it will be a glorious thank you to the house by making one on top of it. <3

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  6. In a very strange and roundabout way, with many a hassle and heartache, fate has saved your family from a fire that might have been fatal? Wow. That's absolutely amazing. I think of you and your family all the time, wondering how you're coping. I hope that now it's gone, you guys can really start anew, rebuild bigger and better and move on with your lives in some well-deserved happiness.

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  7. What a wonderful gift to be given in the face of such a tragedy. Those who said it was a magic house were right. You and your family are blessed and I know the new house will provide you with so many happy memories.

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  8. Oh wow, MTK. That is so amazing about the chimney--a blessing in disguise, for sure. I know it's heartbreaking to see something so wrapped up in your lives be reduced to rubble, but your home will always be your family, and I'm so thankful you have all of them. And glad for insurance and good contractors, too, so you will have a new wonderful home for many years to come! <3 <3

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  9. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 x thousands. One heart for each blessed brick that kept you alive and safe and comforted.

    I know what it's like to lose a home. Even if you do know it's coming. it may be an organ donor BUT it's heart survives.


    I love you. Truefax.

    squally

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  10. BIg hugs to you and your family, Debra! I'm sure you all must be going through so many emotions...but thank goodness you are all still here and are safe!! XOXOXO

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  11. Isn't it amazing how a tragedy can turn out to be a blessing? Someone is watching over you and your family. I am thankful for that.

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  12. I have a tear for you today. I have no idea how you are managing and still sharing, but bit smooshy hugs for you, sweetie.

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  13. Awe, totally sending my love to you all. At least now you know about the chimney, and once that house it rebuilt better then ever, you can all start making new memories.

    Love you long time.

    ~Jess

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  14. You are meant to be on this earth for many reasons - to raise wonderful kids, be an amazing friend, inspire others, help people feel something through your stories. I wish you didn't have to go through a tree falling on your house, but if it had to happen to keep you and your family safe and to keep you around for years to come, to bring this level of joy to all of us, well, I say thank you to whoever is above. A house is where so many memories are, very special ones, and I am sad you had to see it be torn down. But home is wherever you are with your loved ones. Thinking of you from the deepest place in my heart.

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  15. I am so very sorry for your tragedy, but I am so very glad for all of the silver linings hidden amongst those clouds. I too lost a house ... a home ... after a hurricane. I too had to witness my beaten up cluster of too small rooms be torn apart by big machines. I felt like my house was trying to stay up even when it couldn't. Those who said your house is magic were right. The analogies they made were beautiful. You loved your house and clearly, your house loved you right back. Yes, build a new house on the same site. the spirit will remain. All of the wonderful things that you remember from the original house will still be felt in the new one. You have been an inspiration to many, for many reasons. Thank God you and your family are safe. Good luck on the next steps. Many Blessings to you and all who love you.

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  16. Unfreaking believable, Debra. They're not joking when they say things happen for a reason. I'm so glad your family is safe from falling trees and fire. And maybe every time you re-read Poughkeepsie and Crushed Seraphim, or get a review, you'll still keep a piece of your kitchen with you. *hugs*

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  17. oh so I know I havent been around lately, but I always think of you as my books sit on the shelf...I come here today and remember what that time was like and thank god that it happened the way that it did now, because so many would be lost with out you...You are an amazing ray of sunshine and some day will trust that you are so beautiful inside and out that you'll let us see what you look like...lol
    XOXO
    K~

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  18. @Alby It really was a starting point and felt freeing .Thank you for your thoughts. You rock.

    @Shasta Totally. Thank you so much.

    @NS Aww. You are so sweet to my crazy ass. You are right though. Home is were the people are, not the stuff.

    @squally You rock. The heart is pumping for sure. <3

    @Jilly, I think any day I take that for granted, I'm an asshole. It was such a gift. I have to try and remember that when we are knee deep in paperwork and nonsense.

    @Kng Aww. I agree. My grandparents and my hubby's grandparents are working as a team up there.

    @Jess, you are so very right. I'm already planning our first night there. We will party our pants off. Love you right back.

    @Turningitout You know you are in my heart every second. grateful and I are good friends right now. Heart you hard.

    @hes-all-i-want Hurricane sisters? I can't believe we have that in common. Huge hugs fro understanding. I still hate the wind. Blessings right back at you.

    @JL I had not thought of it that way. You are so right. I love that. Thanks baby.*hugs*

    @K you are amazing. I love the beautiful words you say. Thank you. *hugs*

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  19. You are blessed to have discovered your problem ahead of time. So that tree falling onto your house was a blessing in disguise. I'm happy you are well. I love your attitude about it all. The way we look at things is what keeps us going.

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  20. @Wanda Thank you so much for dropping by! We are looking forward to moving forward finally! <3

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