****Flashback
We decide to go on Spaceship Earth because hey, there is no line. We have a 6 month old GC and a 3 ½ year old BC. Now, please recall my kids are ride-phobic, I think this is what did them in. We wait on the pleasingly short line and get to the luggage carousel they use to load you on to your “experience.” Little known fact about Mr. A. He freezes up sometimes. Weird. I can count on him almost every time in a crisis. He was a firefighter

His normally pleasant, fairly masculine voice gets a little bit high and shrieky


Of course, it always hurts said tripper, probably more than knocking the skull, but it's a mom thing and explains why all kids have one arm slightly longer than the other. Anyway, I'm gripping BC tightly, ready to lengthen his arm to save his face should he trip on the loading carousel. We jump on the platform, I use the Jiggler to balance me and the kids, Grandma



“Don’t worry kids, there are pretty stars”
“Where’s Daddy” asks BC.
“Well sweetie, I think he is ordering a kid’s meal right about now”
Then BC asks, “Why does that lady behind us keep apologizing to you?”
“That's your father sweetheart,” I say with wet pants.
Then… we enter. Did you ever notice that the creepy narrator has background music right out of your scariest childhood nightmares? Well, my kids picked up on that right away. And they proceed to meltdown. GC begins “the arch.” You know “the arch” where young toddlers and infants fling their head back and curl their feet behind them to make themselves as easy to hold as a hot buttered bald monkey. BC is crawling up my other side in an attempt to get back in utero. Fantastic. I hope Mr. A


I never thought I would be performing feats of strength in the Big Ball while singing the Elmo song in an effort to keep my kids from throwing themselves out of the ride. We hear the speaker voice telling us “The ride has stopped momentarily, please be patient.” My twitching arms are seizing up as GC continues to try and “arch” herself out of my grasp and BC whines continually “When will it end?” All the while I faintly hear my woman

Loved that ride. It was a real winner. Or a real wiener as my friend Pedro would say.

***
So here we are at the scene of the crime, I shoot Mr. A a dirty look. He knows I'm thinking of his mistake five years ago. He's still in trouble and accepts the blame.
I take the opportunity to torture the kids “Hey guys you want to go on the big ball?”
GC arches her back and screams “NO” and PC tries to climb up my side again, even though he is a huge eight year old man-child. “We are not going on that” They point at the Ball with shaking fingers. Glad to see the mental trauma is still in place. I hope the rumors are true about the redesign of the ball. (They were!)
Well, my mother

Anyway, as we pass the scariest “Spaceship on Earth”, mother realizes she forgot her wide brimmed hat and must go back to the car (in cast parking) with my dad to retrieve it. The Anastasias decide the first thing we should do is try to get a stroller. Mom gets them free from Disney, but we need her present to complete the transaction. In the past my parents have always been able to park fairly close, in the employees’ parking lot. I figured they would be back in a few minutes. In and out, quickie quick. So, I'm entertaining two very antsy kids. They already have a plan.
“Can we go to see the characters?”
“Can we go to Innoventions?”
Of course, we are just waiting for grandma. I ask Mr. A to get in line for the strollers because the line goes all the way back to our van (past the trams and at the end of the longest line of cars.) I tell BC and GC let’s sit on the curb; wow the sitting curb is crowded. There's actually a line for sitting on the curb. Let’s sit by the fountain. Wow, all the butt space is taken up at the fountain. Let’s find ourselves on the Legacy Wall. Where are we? I thought I remembered. We go over to the Legacy kiosk to enjoy the rigeramole that is getting our coordinates. “Due to special characters in your last name” it always takes 15 minutes for the EPCOT computers to find our coordinates. I get our piece of paper. The kids have had it --we must do something. We go on a treasure hunt for ourselves. I have always wanted to find myself

Now it's time for the cell phone dance. I call Mr. A and he, of course ignores the phone. I know he's getting towards the front in the line. My mother


“I AM ON A BUS” then she hangs up on herself.
Ok. Is this a call for help? Is she in danger? As far as I know, her big adventure involved feet walking to the car, getting her hat and feet walking back to us. There is a gate to enter, but she is pro at that. No busses. I try to call her back. Try to call Mr. A. Mom beeps in, but by the time I switch over she was already digging the hole for her phone. I wait. And wait. Next up I see mom, I point her in the direction of Mr. A, again 1982 style, and yell in my Bronx scream “He is paying for the stroller” Mother


***Flashback
On our last trip home, we were enjoying Extra Magic Hours in Epcot. On our way out, we stopped in GC’s favorite, Character Connection. The last trip was a ten day behemoth when we saw the characters everyday like family members. That night we walked into a very empty Character Connection. The characters were waiting on line for us instead of the other way around. By the time we got to Minnie, Donald, and Pinocchio, They were messing with each other and us. Then they began the dance off


**
So we enter the new digs and get on a line. A fairly long line. We wait and people watch. In front of us is a mom wrestling a sweet toddler. The woman in line in front of her is watching the two of them intently. Finally she gets up the courage to ask, “Is your daughter adopted from China?” I get to listen to the exchange of one Mom who has her baby and one who had applied for a baby and is waiting. Hopes, dreams, concerns and worries were discussed in line. It was a very sweet experience to be on the outside listening to.

We move up in the line until it is finally our turn. We are delighted to see the blue outfits on everyone. They looked great and we loved them. GC is a huge Pluto fan


We get a sneaky visit with Belle upon exiting. GC and BC are thrilled. BC wants to go to Innoventions next, so we head in that direction. Passing my favorite treat of all time. The sugared, hot almonds. I can find any vendor by smell alone. MMmm. Of course the vendor close to Innoventions is in range. We walk up, wait in line and order 5 almond bags, please. But there are no almonds! What?
“Well,” says the smiling cast member “The almonds have been discontinued.”
I look at the offering. Sloppy pecans. How can almonds be discontinued? They are a crop, right? Don’t we grow them, from nature? Almonds are not lead filled baby bibs at Wal-Mart! They can’t be discontinued. I try and stare her down. I try and make pecans into almonds through the sheer force of my gaze. Nothing. Fine. Can I have four bags of pecans (see what I did there? I bought one bag less. If it where almonds I would have ordered 5 bags. Take that Mickey, you almond discontinuer!

Up Next are Innoventions, Amazing Disney magic in Turtle Talk, and the waiter at Alfredo’s…
When do you get your medal, Debra? I'm always amazed at how mothers are able to multi task and enjoy it. Wonderful story.
ReplyDeleteOne question: does Mr. A read this blog? I'd be curious about his reaction to you describing him dealing with drive throughs and moving platforms. :D
ReplyDeleteHey Feather! I think my medal is my loose vagina. :(
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by!
Jennifer, you know he does ;) He's man enough to admit when he sounds like a woman. haha
I'm playing catch up with your Disney posts, since I was at Disneyland when this was posted. I've always wondered what was in the Big Ball at WDW! Pluto was the first character we ran into on our trip to the Magic Kingdom. Another funny Disney post, keep 'em coming!
ReplyDeleteThere will be another tomorrow! Pluto is so damn cute. I want to ride him like a horse. Wait, that sounds really bad. You in Disney just makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteWe so love Disney that we make it a habit to visit each year! Thanks for this interesting info =)....
ReplyDelete