Prepare Your Ass For a Hurrcane!

Hello Friends,

As you may have noticed, the weather people have predicted a pants shitting Hurricane by the name of Sandy.

I realized, after my instant bout with IBS, that I may have some things to offer that can help you prepare for this type of asshole storm.

Just a quick, brief recap, last year Hurricane Irene destroyed my house.

So as I get ready for this storm like a mother fucking ninja, I thought I would share what I'm doing.

I'm preparing for two possibilities: A) That we are staying in our rebuilt house to weather the storm and 2) That we are leaving and getting the Hell out of Dodge becasue Fuck You hurricane, that's why.

A) If we stay we are doing things like preparing for power outages. I wish we had a generator. We don't. If you are a short sighted, thick headed nimrod like me, you will need to have things in order. 

 ~Grab your cell phone or video camera, now, while the doomsday asshole is days away. No seriously, do it right now. Take pictures of all your crap. Go from room to room. Take pictures of the outside too. Any funky trees? Note where those bastards are. When the wind gets wild, don't be where they could land.

~Okay, now think hard thoughts. Do you have money in your freaking purse? If the trees turn in to bludgeoning nut sacks, they may take out your power and everyone else's. Including ATMs. Go get money in your purse. Now that you're back, think about current bills, important papers and such. Make a pile. This pile is shit you will bring with you.

~Get a suitcase, recyclable bag, or bookbag. Fill one for each family member. Everyone needs clean drawers and comfortable clothes. If you are a lady, don't forget tampons and a bra you can sleep in. Kids get a small toy. Throw a book in there too.

~Get another bag. This is your "Holy Crap I have so many drugs to make it through the day" sack. Put the medicines in there that you always need and sometimes might need. Only have a day left of pills? Get your ass to the CVS and fill 'er up.

~Got a baby? Damn it, get a few things together. Pack that two day diaper bag. 

~If you've got time, fill up a gallon of water for each person. Realistically it should be like 28 gallons per person. But believe me, you want to be able to move fast. Maybe throw the other gallons in your car.

~Do you have animals? I bungled this up huge last time. I hadn't even cleared it with my closest neighbors if I could bring all of my nimrods over. Yes, that's an awkward conversation to have on a sunny day. Trust me, it's weirder when trees are falling down all around you and you can actually see Jesus. Have leashes and crates set near an exit. In a rush, you may not have time to bring the crates, so think leashes for dogs. A nice, strong method that is secure of keeping them leashed. My dog's slipped his leash during the last hurricane and it could have killed us both. Does it take much to tighten the collar or harness? No, bend over and do it. Now we both feel better.

~Keep you cat near a carrying case. My advice is to make sure you know where they are and you can get them in a hurry. I had to search for mine under a bed in the pitch dark. Sucked. Make sure they can't hide if you need them.

~Shoes. Pull shoes out for everyone that are easy to slip on. Be ready to carry small people. Have flashlights ready to go.

~Seriously, don't think this can't happen to you. It can. I hope it never does, but being ready for this shit takes like what? A total of thirty minutes? Put music on, you'll hardly feel it. I'm not talking end of the world preparedness here, but just if you have to rush out the damn door.

~Most important? Listen to the evac warnings, don't think you're superman with a big giant sack of indestructible nuts.

~Once you're ready for the storm and prepared to leave if necessary, do the other things you do. Hoard Ice, bread, TP, prepare to eat without electric.
  ~Fill your damn tub to the top. Check the seal as well to make sure the water doesn't escape after hours of sitting there. In my old tub I had an elaborate system of sinking things around the drain plug to keep the water in.

~Review your insurance policy god damn it. What the hell are you going to be dealing with? When I realized we were covered for our belongings and a house rebuild I could have kissed my insurance agent on the mouth. With tongue.

What am I forgetting? Add a comment with your tips, warnings. Be Safe. Charge up your cell phone. Know mulitpale ways out of your house. Practice them with your kids. 

Sounds like a lot but if it takes an hour, them you can have peace. These are things I wish I'd done last time.


  1. I think you about covered everything! Depending on the area where you live, a review of the roads is a good idea, particularly noting which ones are NOT near water. In Vermont during Irene, we didn't get much of the predicted wind, but we got 10-ish inches of trucking rain that trucking funneled down the trucking mountains. FUNNELED. If a road ran alongside the river, the road was GONE.
    Now, my brilliant husband went to work that day. *grouchy face* When he cam home that afternoon, our town was inaccessible. Every single road was under water. However, there was this one dirt road over the top of a mountain, so he managed to get in that way. My point is, even if you know all the regular routes in your area, be prepared to consider alternate and creative ways to get around downed trees, power lines, and mother-trucking water if you have to evac.

  2. Hey Sarah!

    Great point. The water is an issue. Flooding basements too. A nice map might be a great idea in the glovebox

  3. I keep all my important papers (birth certs, ins policies, etc) in a big ziploc if we have to evacuate they are already gathered up.

    Anything you dont take with you, that you dont want ruined (pictures, etc) can be put in the dishwasher for safe keeping. It's sealed up and waterproof.

  4. I think you and the other commenters covered all the important tips for preparation, but I just want to take a minute to say that I hope your family and home stay safe and intact. I know I'm not the only one who will remember your story forever. Just reading your tips brought it all back, as I'm sure it did for you (like you could ever forget). Living in S. Florida, we're breathing a sigh of relief today to have another storm pass us by, but as happy as I am that we're safe, I hate the thought of it going anywhere else. I'll be hoping and praying that you and everyone else are spared the worst. You've already gone through it once, and that's more than enough! Stay safe, girl. At least you know now what to do if it comes, huh?! Will be thinking of you.

  5. Debra, as a newbie to the East here I was thinking I was doing well making sure we had peanut butter and tuna and some bottles of water. I will need to go through this list and do a little more prep I think. Thanks so much for all your advice and I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers as well.



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